The most profound day of my life...

This is what I wrote 2 years to the day my Korean girlfriend Hana passed...

Wednesday the 30th of July 2008 was the most profound day of my life - I'd like to share it with you...

Hana was an avid golfer and would gladly have spent her days golfing...

I had been talking with friends on and off for over a year about where to put Hana's ashes, for me there was only one place, the golf course, a promise I made to her mother and myself 2 years ago but had not yet accomplished. This in itself is an illegal act and not permitted by law. Initially I thought I and some friends would play some golf and do it that way, unobtrusively. Somehow or other, hurdles and doubt got in the way - "do you really want to do this and 'look over your shoulder', that's not right, surely" friends said, that hurdle alone caused doubt in my mind, I realized that it wouldn't be respectful to Hana's memory to do it in that manner but yet I knew there was no other place for her to be...

The times we visited the countryside and the ocean were only possible if local food was included, in particular hot dogs at the beach - Hana was not fond of either region too much, so I really knew, even though it would be easier for me, that to put her to either would not be right. Maybe I knew in my heart that if I wanted the best for her, the opportunity would be presented to me, I nearly wavered but in the end held fast, it must be a golf course...

I was so frustrated in not being able to see how I could sort it all out that I actually asked out loud to Hana to give me a sign, somehow...

The next morning (after asking) whilst having breakfast, I was watching the end of a Tennis match that I had recorded the day before and when it finished I somehow didn't hit the stop button, what it ran into IMMEDIATELY (without adverts) was - a women's golf tournament and the first player on screen was - KOREAN!! I was so astonished that I kept rewinding to make sure I wasn't dreaming! That is EXACTLY what happened, I had never asked Hana for anything since she passed, I did the night before -I never watch golf, It doesn't appeal to me...

The message was approximately 3 weeks before the second anniversary and I made a promise to myself that I would finally accomplish the task - somehow. Wednesday, on the anniversary of her passing, I lit a candle and put a photograph of Hana, probably taken in Korea many years back, next to it. I then made a phone call to a nearby golf club to ask the question. Whilst greeted politely I was told that this is a county matter and the club could not agree to it without higher permission of the city. I realized that, as expected, I was going to get red taped all the way to a NO! I also realized that the more courses I asked, the more I would be alerting them to what I was going to do.I then called a neighbor (he knew Hana) that I knew worked at a golf course part time, maybe he could help - he said to leave it with him and he's call me back...

He called very quickly and told me that where he worked part time was the local golf course, our nearest, HAD GRANTED PERMISSION for he and I to do it and that they remembered her - I really cannot find the way to express how I felt when I heard those words, finally, finally Hana will be where she loved to be, oh my goodness, my sadness and gratitude peaked uncontrollably at that moment, I'd waited 2 years to hear this, the Golf Course had given their blessing - WOW I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!

I was now able to rest her with pride with my head held high and my promise to myself, her mother and her memory to be fulfilled!

I wasn't ready when my friend said that he had until 2pm and could do it that very day, everything came flooding back to me, it was extremely hard to face up to what I had to do, I still wasn't even sure I could DO it. I agreed, as that was the anniversary, and felt that something far bigger than me had already put my actions in motion. I sat down to have a little food and as I glanced at the table I noticed a sheet of paper with several 3 x 5 pictures of one of my Angels, the one in fact that was on the top of the beautiful box that Hana's ashes were in. I picked up the sheet and wrote a message to Hana on each Angel and cut them up into tiny pieces, Hana would not only be on the golf course - she would be with my Angels...

It was fitting that it was this course (I had no idea that my friend even worked there...) because I had gone round it with Hana on a couple of occasions, my only attempts at golfing, I immediately saw in my mind where I thought she would like to be.

He picked me up and as I walked to his car I picked a beautiful rose, there was only one left on the bush...

I don't know how to explain how I felt driving to the course, there almost aren't words, perhaps overwhelmed and numb, totally overwhelmed, yes that would be the most accurate. Even in that numbness, I really felt she was proud of me. I can't tell you how right it felt, I hope you can understand it through my words!

My friend got a cart and we drove to a part of the course, "hole 13" he said, "that's a nice one" - I told him I had no idea and wherever he thought would be great - hole 13 turned out to be EXACTLY where I had visualized when he told me we had the clearance!!

We waited a while and then set Hana free, through our hands, to golf for ever more, it was as beautiful as it could be, she floated with the angels I had cut up and we both said our farewells to her, I laid the rose on the ground.

I can't turn the clock back, I can't make it right, I can't bring her back, but I did make her release beautiful and respectful, and with my hand on my heart and my head held high, I KEPT MY PROMISE AND SHE WENT WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT AND GRACE - SHE IS GOLFING WITH THE ANGELS.

Somehow or other I really believe after giving me that message, Hana made it possible for me to take her to where she wanted to be...

This is exactly what happened and I wanted to be able to have a permanent place of rest for my story of those events, 'A Place of Angels' is that place.


This is an addition: Today, August 11th, nearly two weeks after I released her ashes, I went back to see the little permanent memorial my colleague had made at the spot. He had taken the metal tag that held the bag of ashes together with one angel I had not cut up and secured them permanently to a metal rail that runs alongside the Tee of the 13th hole. The Angel looks out over the area we released Hana's ashes. I wanted to see what I had written on this Angel (every one had something different written on & not about golf), I couldn't read it - he said it was undecipherable! We both moved away to look at the view and I said Hana is very pleased at this spot. I then turned back frustrated at not being able to read my own scribble - all of a sudden this one note read clear - EVERY HOLE ON PAR...